the danger of a single story

a thought provoking, challenging, and funny TED talk by chimamanda adichie - a gifted nigerian writer.

me, a monk, and i

"my Lord God, i have no idea where i am going. i do not see the road ahead of me. i cannot know for certain where it will end. nor do i really know myself, and the fact that i think i am following your will does not mean that i am actually doing so. but i believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You. and i hope i have that desire in all that i am doing. i hope that i will never do anything apart from that desire. and i know that, if i do this, You will lead me by the right road, though i may know nothing about it. therefore i will trust You always though i may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. i will not fear, you You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone."

"in one sense we are always traveling, and traveling as if we did not know where we were going.

in another sense we have already arrived.

we cannot arrive at the perfect possession of God in this life, and that is why we are traveling and in darkness. but we already possess Him by grace, and therefore, in that sense, we have arrived and are dwelling in the light.

But oh! how far have i to go to find You in Whom i have already arrived!"

"My God, i frankly do not understand your ways with me. you fill me with desires that people have been canonized for having and for carrying out. then You tell me to to carry them out, and You tell me in such a way that it would seem to be a sin if i carried them out. then You make the desires grow more and more until they consume the very foundations of my life. are You trying to kill me?"

"i will travel to You, Lord, through a thousand blind alleys.

You want to bring me to You through stone walls."

i've been reading "dialogues with silence" by thomas merton (all above quotes are written by merton).

outwardly, i have nothing in common with merton. he was a trappist monk who wore brown robes and lived on a commune. he was bald and probably gardened. i'm a girl living in vancouver with a growing collection of shoes and i like red sweaters. i live near the beach and don't pray for hours a day.

inwardly, i feel as though i am reading about my own inner struggle, though merton's writings are more than 50 years old and from a very different place. it is comforting to know that a guy who devoted his entire life to living strictly godly life struggled with solitude, silence, and finding God. i figured, if anyone has found God, it would be a monk in a scratchy robe.

i find comfort in these writings.

i am learning to sit in silence.

and in that silence, i am learning to hear the Spirit of God.

without Him ever saying a word.

water

ever thought about how much you pay for water by the litre? i mean other than when you pay $2 for a small bottle of water (that probably came out of the tap and was then bottled and sold as "extra purified"

I just read about the current price of water in the Nairobi slums - for one jerry can, which is about 20-30 litres of water, people have to pay over a dollar. so, the poorest people in the world, are paying more than their daily salary, for something simple, yet absolutely necessary. now, would i ever consider paying $300 for 20 litres of water? no, we would probably have protests and bring the government down for that kind of abuse.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/8144415.stm

i recently listened to a very old radio show with stuart mclean and peter gzowski, dated from 1986. They were talking about what they could get for a dollar at that time. Stuart mclean said that Toronto city water costs 5 cents for 25 gallons (enough to fill a phone booth if you still know what those are). The men then laughed about the fact that we pay a mere nickle for that large amount of water and then the city happily takes back the water we have dirtied, to clean it, process it, and purify it many times over. all for 5 cents for 25 gallons.

http://archives.cbc.ca/arts_entertainment/media/clips/12587/

(it is a pretty funny program actually - have a listen if you want to listen to old fashioned radio)

so, the wealthiest of the wealthy (yes, that includes all of us) pay the least amount for a life sustaining necessity, while the poorest of the poor pay prices that put gold to shame.

injustice at its best.

death is not dying

I just watched the video of Rachel Barkey speaking.  She is a member of the church I go to and she spoke about dying from cancer.  It is titled Death is not dying: a faith that saves.

I think it is great and it was so very insightful for me as a nurse as well to understand a bit more about what many of my patients go through.  

It is worth having a look...

http://deathisnotdying.com

house hunting

i do not like looking for new places to live. likely because i often seem to make bad decisions and live in crappy places. my first year in calgary was a testament to that! my first "room" was in the basement of a house that i ended up sharing with a sketchy guy - i ended up calling the police because he was beating up his girlfriend on the front street. and the mice were eating my food, hearing the trap snap under my bed at night didn't help with sleeping either...

and then there was living with 5 chinese phd students in a house that has always had medical students living in it. cheap rent, check. bovine solution under the bathroom sink, check. a roommate with possible tb, check. 

i thought i had learned my lessons. when looking at apartments last december here in vancouver, i thought i was seeing nice places. the managers of one apartment that i really liked required my credit card number and bank account number on the application form. mmm, i think not.  i really liked my current place because of the neighbourhood and the "character" of the house. i should have caught on when the landlord starting telling me about his personal life during the viewing. i think the gas fireplace and in-suite washer and dryer were enticing me.

i am moving again. partly because i can't stand my apartment anymore. it is too dark and the landlord likes to throw many a dinner party. high heels on the hardwood floors sound like thunder.  they also sold the house and the new owners take possession at the end of the month. i wonder if they know the lady of the house just took the entire fireplace mantle with her. and thanks to the movers, i found out why the light on the mantle never worked. a screw had been drilled right through the cord. i think i have had enough mayhem with cords starting things on fire in my life...

so i went apartment hunting today. what was most interesting was seeing a part of strangers lives. one place was inhabited by a fairly messy and dirty guy. but he evidently snowboarded, biked, surfed, is a dj complete with 2 tables, and just finished a masters. mmm, like to meet him:-)

i'd like the meet the next guy more - this guy had a nice little bachelor, good taste in furniture, was tidy and clean, surfed, biked, read lots of books, AND tastefully decorated his apartment with skateboard decks mounted on the walls. he had apparently met tony hawk as evidenced by the signed deck. now, i really wanted to meet this guy!!

i was appalled by one girl. landlords have to give 48 hours notice that they are showing apartments. all these tenants know that their apartment is being shown to multiple strangers. the landlord opened the door, and literally the first thing i had to step over was a bright turquoise bra. next to the front door. dirty underwear was strewn a few steps further. granted it was a bachelor and so not very big, but seriously, leaving your underwear next to the front door?

the other apartment in that building, right next door to the dirty bachelor girl, is the apartment i am thinking of getting. it is a big one bedroom, hardwood floors, lots of south facing windows in the living room, a balcony, decent sized kitchen. the disadvantage is that i will have to carry my bike up 2-3 flights of stairs and keep it in the apartment. and the bedroom wall is shared with the next apartments bedroom wall. what if some "very active" person moves in there? i might need permanent ear plugs!

however, here is the clincher. the landlord starting telling me about his bad day because he had just put his 17 year old cat to sleep 2 hours before and he was having a rough time of it. he kept talking about the cat. that is not bad in and of itself, but my current landlord also told me sob stories while showing me the apartment and it has kind of sucked living here. do i take it as a bad omen that landlords tell me sob stories while showing me apartments? or do i just exude such caring and compassion that they feel compelled to tell me?
and here is another dilemma. this apartment is 800 metres from kitsilano beach and about 4 km from jericho beach. (i am currently about 800 metres from jericho). i like jericho beach better than kits beach... (i know, cry myself a river right)

so, do i consider taking this bright, sunny, roomy apartment with the sad landlord or do i hold out and hope something better comes along in the next 2 weeks?

i see 2 more places tomorrow... it will then be decision time...

any advice? are sad landlords a bad omen or do i go by how the place looks?

addendum:  the last place i saw is the one i got. a one bedroom with hardwood floors two blocks from kits beach with lots of big windows to let the sunshine in!  and a bike room, so no carrying my bike up 3 flights of stairs! yeah!

a day in the life of vancouver

here are a few photos of life in vancouver...

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=120535&id=528770294&l=fc4c7655fb

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=123292&id=528770294&l=f2e9aff3eb

these are the people in your neighbourhood...

i really like where i live. while it is "trendy" and expensive, i am quite happy with my choice to live in kitsilano.

the obvious aside, that i live next to the ocean in an old neighbourhood with big, old trees, i enjoy the fact that families go out for walks together, that i found a willow tree next to the ocean, that people walk to the grocery store, that the buses will be full on a friday night, that independent coffee shops and bookstores outnumber the chain stores, people take a bike ride for enjoyment, that i have the salty smell of sea in my nose...

but two of my favourite things are this: on the corner of 4th and macdonald, someone very mysterious puts out free things every day. a few weeks ago there was an entertainment unit complete with knick knacks. last week, there was a collection of comforters and pillows, over the weekend, a wedding dress hung on the fence with a collection of sneakers lined up underneath, and today, a kitchen sink. and people take them, because the stuff is always gone at the end of the day. 

i have been taking photos of them with my phone and if i can ever figure out how to get them off my phone and on a computer, i will.

but this early spring evening, a woman working in the garden made my day. i was walking along laden with grocery bags, and an old woman starts talking to me 

"wait!! wait! i need to tell you something!" 
she literally comes running from her garden to her front gate and starts looking at my grocery bags. i thought i had food falling out of them or something.

and here is what she tells me (in her exact words)

"so, someone asked, 
'where do moose come from?' 
and the other person said from moosejaw! 
and then the person said 'where do cows come from?' 
why from cowgary of course!"
(interjection of 'oh, now that one's funny isn't it)
but listen to this - a foreigner in australia asked one of those native folks 
'what are those things jumping around?'
and since the native person, you know, they didn't speak any english or anything, i mean why should they, said
'kangaroo - i don't know' (pregnant pause after this)
isn't that funny! kangaroo means i don't know in that native tongue!!
what is that native tongue anyway? i think in new zealand it is maori, is that right? well, gee i just don't know what it is in australia.
but isn't that cute. it is so great to tell children!! 

(at this point, i thought she meant that i was the child and she was telling me the joke)

and she continues " so go, tell a child that. isn't it precious! oh, they just love it! kangaroo - i don't know" i've read it in at least 4 different places, that kangaroo means that. oohh, children just love it...

i thanked the woman profusely and promised to tell children her joke. 
and i walked away smiling..

little alida

i still kind of feel sorry for little alida - that she is stuck with my weird name. considering few people in canada being able to say it properly, never mind spell it, i don't know what the future holds for this little girl in kenya! at least it kind of complies with swahili language in that every letter in the name is actually pronounced. that should make it easier!

i was able to visit alidajoy and her family in november. the home is filled with girls and loving parents - bless her father, he has to put up with alot of estrogen!

she takes awhile to warm up to strangers...

... but is pretty darn cute when she starts smiling :-)

the house is packed with girls - 3 sisters, a cousin, mom
the girls referred to me as mzungu alida (white alida)
and her as mkenya alida (kenyan alida)

the big, happy family.