alidajoy jepkemboi

I was sitting at my computer on facebook when she died. only 100 metres away a labouring mother passed away in the operating room. she had tried to give birth at home, alone, but was not succeeding. so somehow she made her way to the hospital. the baby was breech and in distress. as they were prepping the mother for a c-section, she died. they did the c-section anyway and were able to deliver the baby. nurses resuscitated her for an hour and the baby survived. motherless, with no name. all the while i was tapping on a keyboard.

i learned of the little girl the next day and started visiting the nursery for feeds, hugs, cuddling, and some awful lullaby singing. she is the only one who would tolerate it. but she didn't have a choice. the mother came unprepared, likely did not plan to keep the baby. so little "no name" was wrapped in a torn sheet and crocheted hospital blankets. my colleague got some onesies from home, but she was still diaperless. with money from a well wisher, i decided to get her a good start fashion wise. i bought a dozen cloth nappies, more onesies, blankets, and some "sharp" outfits. i returned from town on saturday, looking forward to a happy reunion.

i greeted the staff in the delivery suite and was laughing about something when i noticed they were bagging a baby. my balloon burst. it was not our little orphan girl, but a new boy strangled by the very cord that had been giving him life for 9 months. they had been bagging (breathing for him with a bag hooked to oxygen) for more than an hour. his heart rate was strong but he stubbornly refused to breathe on his own and his pupils were fixed and dilated. the doctor instructed the nurses to stop bagging. my coping skills are to start doing "stuff." i removed the IV, cleaned and dressed the little boy. I wrapped him snuggly in a blanket and placed his lifeless body in the mothers arms. I asked my colleague to explain the importance of grieving and spending time with her child that she had nutured for 9 months. i don't yet know "grieving process" in swahili and felt inadequate to explain. instead i choked back my own emotions while washing my hands. i didn't have time to grieve. our orphaned girl needed to be fed.

i warmed the formula and sang "you are my sunshine" while slow dancing around the nursery with her in my arms. my lullaby repitoire is limited. she heard alot of twinkle twinkle little star and you are my sunshine. she ate hungrily, i wrapped her in a nappy far too big for her 2.7kg, dressed her in a new outfit and wrapped her in a new blanket. she looked like she knew she looked good. the extended family came to the hospital to get the mothers body for the funeral. the women cooed over her and the grandmother pronounced that she would be named after me. alida jepkemboi. they will return next week after the funeral to take her home, after they decide who will care for her.

i went back to the delivery room and found the 2 nurses swamped. another woman had just delivered a baby boy and the nurse was delivering the placenta. since i know nothing about delivering babies, it has become my job to clean and weigh the babies. i was delighted to hear him crying but i was not happy for the woman on the other side of the small room who had just lost her son. she had to lay and listen to the commotion. inbetween these two women, another had just rushed in, miscarrying and bleeding profusely on the floor. the second nurse was caring for her. three women experiencing very different emotions only feet apart from eachother. once i had the newborn wrapped and proudly shown to his mother i went to check the wards.

i found a labouring mother vomiting and helped her clean up, while trying to reassure her in my limited swahili. i see a clinical officer run by to the female ward. an elderly woman has just passed away and he must pronounce. i go to see if i can be of assistance but there is not much they can do. i return to ask the nurses and doctor what i should know about contractions because there is another woman in labour. i return and place my hand on her stomach for the next 15 minutes to time contractions. i hold her right hand with my left and she won't let go. i feel the babies feet kick my hand at the top of her stomach. amazing. like what you would imagine angel wings to feel like. her contractions are 4 minutes apart and i go to report to the doctor. the woman follows me and tries to hop into a bloody bed. i convince her to sit on a clean stool. there is nothing more i can do. i don't know how to deliver babies. but i do know how to feed them.

so i take our little orphan home for the night. i feed her, make funny faces, and feel the warm stream of pee she released all over my legs. she smiled after she did that. i swear.
i set up the cot on a chair beside my bed and drape the mosquito net around her. i set my alarm to go off in two hours, but i am not used to having a baby in the house so i check to make sure she is breathing every ten minutes. we make it through the night. i give her a bath with lavender baby wash in the morning and she loves the warm water. i returned her to the hospital at 1100 because i am afraid if i keep her longer i will want to keep her forever.

her uncle and his wife come on monday morning. they decided that they will raise her. they have three girls at home under the age of 10, so she will fit in well. the father has a good job and the mother stays at home with the children. they still have enough energy to take care of a baby. they take her lovingly and are receptive to instructions regarding how to cup or bottle feed her, mix cows milk for her(formula is prohibitively expensive) . they say they have been instructed to name her after me. i had protested with the staff and suggested that the well wisher also be honoured as he had a part also. the staff decide that joy will substitute for joe and that she will be alidajoy jepkemboi. i feel kind of embarrassed, but secretly i am truly honoured. the family and i promise to keep in touch.

alidajoy jepkemboi. i will miss her.

headlines

headlines are usually depressing.

Aid workers die in somali blast.
Man shot in front of Second Cup.
Gunmen hold Pakistani children hostage.
Gangs on rampage in western kenya.

tragedy occurring
every minute
of every day
in every country.

where is compassion? understanding? forgiveness? reason?
i am listening to the radio, listening for changes outside my small village of Plateau. a reporter in Eldoret was coming from the airport and witnessed a hacked up body on the side of the road. he was reportedly dragged out of a matatu for being of the "wrong" tribe and hacked to death by a gang of youth. this is but a minor fraction of the violence and hatred occurring just kilometres away.

no one seems to understand these radical changes in kenya. heads shake, hands wring, hearts cry. it was looking hopeful. kofi annan even got the feuding politicians to shake hands and smile in public. i returned to my village and downtown eldoret seemed pretty normal. people buying food, the market was packed, the glue boys asking me for money.

i don't know what will happen. but i am happy to be back in my village with friends and family. as difficult as this time is, i would choose to be nowhere else. i came to share burdens with my african brothers and sisters. i am doing nothing radical. i am just being with them. i am holding their babies. i am shaking their hands. i am speaking peace.
i look forward to some more hopeful headlines.
Peace prevails in Kenya.
Children stop dying of diarrhea.
Second Cup to give free lattes.

here's to hoping...

tanzania photos

here is the link to my picasa site where i have been posting selected photos. i can't possibly post all my photos because i take hundreds, but this should give you a taste...

http://picasaweb.google.com/alidafernhout/

i will also try to formulate some new blog posts, but i have to get my neurons to communicate in an organized fashion first...

mt. kili and other delights

greetings from tanzania. i arrived sunday evening and was welcomed by julia and meaghan, american girls who are working in and around arusha.

tanzania is so very different and so very the same as kenya. fortunately, they speak swahili, so i am practicing my poor language skills and learning more words everyday. their matatu's or "dala dala's" are actually fuller than ones in kenya. i have had to stand a few times. however, they don't have giant crater holes in the road, so swerving all over the road is not exsistant.

i have been fortunate enough to go visit villages with meaghan and see the work going on there. yesterday i went to the village of mwika in the foothills of mt. kiliminjaro. the scenery is stunning. however, this village has a 30% HIV rate and loads of orphans. i spent most of the day playing with 25 kids. half of them are also HIV+ and i could feel enlarged lymph nodes in most of their necks. one child is so anemic, i don't want to even know what his red blood cell count is. i would likely empty my blood into his body to help!

i also went on a home visit to see an elderly lady with a large facial tumor. they took me to see her as i am a nurse and it is reassuring to them to get a "professionals" opinion. Josephine is HIV+, and has a large facial tumor that has completely eroded all the tissue on the left side of her face, and has eaten away so much of her cheek that she now has a complete hole filled with dead tissue. she is in a lot of pain, but i can tell that they are trying hard to keep the wound clean. they had been referred to Dar es Salaam for further treatment. they can't even afford to go down into town to get a CD4 count. there was not much i could "consult", but i advised on how to clean it, control pain. I just tried to be encouraging, because that is about the only treatment she can get. perhaps i should get a prescription pad, that just says "hope" or "encourgament" on it.

the drive back to arusha was beautiful. we had gorgeous views of mt. meru and mt. kiliminjaro and we drove into the horizon of the setting sun. it was a blessing.

i still don't know when i can return to my village. the reports i get from co-workers is that it is calm and safe, but my return will be decided by the emergency response team. my hosts here in tanzania have been fantastic and have made me feel at home.

i do long to return to plateau to be with "my people" to be part of the healing process. i hope it will be soon.

thank you to everyone who has sent me emails to let me know that they are thinking and praying for me. please also do the same for the people in eldoret and plateau. i have also been praying for the hearts of the youth who have been perpetrating the horrific crimes. they need a radical transformation of mind and heart.



mt. kiliminjaro (taken from a car while moving 100km/hr)



"mt. kili" closer up



me with josephine - the lady with the facial tumor



sunset (again from a moving vehicle)

leaving on a jet plane

no, i am not being evacuated. but i am not returning to my village for an undetermined amount of time. i am going to visit a friend i met in a training this past summer. she lives just over the kenyan border in arusha, tanzania.



i have been in contact with my friends in eldoret and plateau. plateau is still "calm" and "safe", however all local roads are blocked. the small hospital that has seen little action for months is now handling gunshot wounds and machete slashes. the teaching hospital in eldoret has 200 more patients than beds and have been running out of guaze and basic supplies.



they have begun escorting people out of eldoret now on busses, but under heavy police escort. no one is going in. hence, i will not be returning to my village any time soon.



so, early next week i will be leaving on a "jet plane" (probably something much smaller) to arusha, tanzania. a positive outcome is that i can see a friend, see somewhere new, learn about her work with HIV/AIDS, and add a new country to my facebook map.

wazimu

one day in swahili class, my teacher asked me about canadian politics. i gasped, initially, because i thought he wanted me to discuss politics in swahili. i can talk about the weather and bargain in the market, but my swahili language capabilities are not that good! i was relieved when he said i could converse in english!

as we talked about the different styles of politics in canada versus kenya, my teacher taught me a new word. "wazimu" is how he described kenyan politics, and this was while it was peaceful. wazimu means "mad" as in "mental illness mad." it has become a new favourite word of mine.

wazimu is the state of kenya right now. truthfully, i am quite isolated from the riots, violence, demonstrations. the closest i see them is the same as you, on the internet. yet, i am close because i have spoken to several friends and colleagues in eldoret to keep abreast of the situation.

i felt a change in the air last saturday. the results had not yet been announced but there was anxiety as it was taking so long for results to get in. i walked to the local shopping mall and noticed that most shops on the street were closed. few people had ventured outside. however, as i approached the mall, i saw the longest line of cars trying to get into the parking lot. the majority of the license plates were from the UN or an embassy. i thought it strange that they should be holding a conference there (it has a conference area inside) on that day. when i arrived inside the mall, all but a few shops were open. i wondered where all these people were going. and then saw the lines in the grocery store. everyone was stocking up like it was the end of the milennium.

i was on a quest for a radio so that we could listen to election results, and had to go to another nearby shopping mall. as i wandered into the electronics section, two employees cornered me and tried starting a heated political debate with me. needless to say they were pro-kibaki, and were trying to get me to say the same. i maintained neutrality and explained i just wanted a cheap radio!! i did ask why all the expats seemed to be stocking up and they said things might get bad and i should stock up for 2 weeks. it sounded a little extreme to me. i bought the radio and left.

but walking back through the neighbourhood, the tension was palpable. i felt like i could push and pull the air and that it would spring back at me if i leaned too hard.

well, the air has split in western kenya. i live 15km outside of eldoret, a major area of violence and bloodshed. i have confirmed that my friends and colleagues are safe, but they have not left their houses, even out in the farming area. their food is limited and they have no access to airtime for phones. i have been sending airtime so that they can at least contact their families.

amidst the violence, i have experienced "everyday grace."

first, i had no desire to spend the christmas holidays in eldoret. as much as i love my kenyan family and friends there, i wanted to be with some other friends for my first christmas out of the country. i had also witnessed the level of passion that people exhibited when campaigning, and i didn't want to witness that passion go awry should their chosen leader lose. about a month ago, i witnessed a murder by beating of a petty thief. if people were willing to beat someone to death over a cell phone or a bunch of bananas, what would they do for their leader?

second, my friends and i that were spending christmas together almost booked a week in the city of kisumu. we were on the verge of booking when we recieved an email about a different option and we abandoned lake victoria for lake baringo. it turns out that kisumu was one of the first places to break out in violence. according to reports, every supermarket has been burned to the ground and thousands have fled the area for the ugandan border.

third, my friends and i were supposed to spend 5 days in lake baringo and paid for it in advance. now, we stretched out the activities as much as possible but were bored to tears after 4 days. despite that we are all poor, tight-wad mission workers, we decided to leave a day early. we drove the little station wagon through washed out roads and over rocks, past young children selling honey on the road. our cell phones had little to no signal for about 2 hours. less than 24 hours after we left, and during the time we had previously scheduled to be in the area, violence broke out in baringo the minute the election results were announced. had we clung to our money and stayed an extra day, we may have been on an almost deserted road with no communication while people went berserk around us.

but, my heart is still in a headlock. as i had written in a blog some time back, i came (or was called) to kenya to "run into the pain." i want to share and suffer alongside my kenyan friends. instead, i am sitting in a walled compound in an upscale area of nairobi in no immediate danger, while the people i have come to know and love are hunkered in their homes fearing for their lives. i feel helpless that all i can do is pray. because quite frankly, it feels like the prayers are bouncing off that wall of tension.

i know that God's hand is in my life. i was traumatized after witnessing that murder a little more than a month ago, and i don't think my heart could have taken what is happening in eldoret. but i still long to hold the hands and hug the women and children in my village. i feel as though i am abandoning them.

as for the next few days, our office held a security meeting today and we have made contingency plans to evacuate (the expats to begin with followed by the kenyan staff) if necessary. i hope and pray it does not come to that. but the next 48 hours are extremely critical and it rests in the decisions that the political leaders make. cling to pride, or bow to humility. different outcomes that will affect millions of lives.

pray that the wazimu will end.

safe

i just wanted to let everyone know that despite kenya experiencing turmoil and chaos, i am in a safe place.

i am in nairobi staying with a friend. she lives in a very safe place with walls, wires, and guards.

i had spent christmas in lake baringo (see photos on my picasa site) with friends which went very well and was very peaceful. by the grace of God, we left a day early due to boredom. i read in the paper today that violence erupted in the area less than 24 hours after we left (the exact time that we would have been on a road with little phone access).

eldoret, the town i live close to is completely chaotic, with the death toll at 25 and counting. the people in my village of plateau are safe, but have no access to getting phone credit or food. no one is leaving their house. again, "everyday grace" intervened. i would have had no transportation and little communication.

i am safe and do not feel in any danger. but please pray for peace and wisdom for kenya. it is imperative that people can move past this and reconcile and forgive.