Kenya is cold and other cultural lessons

There is an incorrect generalization (made by Canadians at least) that all of Africa is hot. I have not gone a day without wearing a fleece jacket and been huddled around a hot cup of tea. Kenyans keep reassuring me the hot weather is coming, but I will believe that when I stop seeing my breath in the morning.

When ordering coffee or tea, one must indicate if they want it “black” or “white.” I have also seen it advertised as “ebony” and “ivory” (cue in Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton). I have forgotten several times and ended up with milk in my tea and milkless coffee.

Mamas and Babas can text message (called sms here) on their cell phones faster than I can figure out how to turn mine on. I am considering hiring a grandma as my cell phone tutor.

In addition to learning Swahili, I am concurrently learning British English. I am learning to refer to the boots and bonnets on cars, run to the loo, drive on carriageways next to lorries, and stand in queues.

Speaking of driving, I am constantly trying to get into the drivers seat despite the fact that I am a passenger. As the steering wheel is on the right side of the car, I am still shocked when vehicles drive by and I mistakenly think they are allowing a 6 year old drive the car. And since they drive on the left side of the road, I have nearly been hit several times because I look the wrong way on the road before crossing.

In the weekend newspaper I read about everything from a dead fathers spirit beating up his living son, to what modern Kenyan men want in a woman (and I am not it!), to an interview with Stephen Lewis, to an update on Britney Spears debacles, and finish up with a personal ad from a man seeking a second wife for reasons of procreation (with his wife’s permission).

I have learned that Kenyans have never lost an Olympic steeplechase race and often win the Gold, Silver and Bronze medals. Why does anyone else try?

Kenya is well-known abroad for its coffee, but they also produce high quality tea. Africa is the source for 30% of the world’s tea. On the news recently, it was highlighted that the farmers union fought for and received a wage increase. They will now get 6 shillings per kilo. That is about 10 cents for every kilo of tea they harvest. How much did you pay for your tea today?

The book “The Constant Gardener” was apparently banned in Kenya for depicting corrupt government officials, but the movie directors managed to film part of the movie in the Nairobi slums.

The obituaries are often headed by the words “promotion to glory.” I look forward to my eventual promotion though hope it doesn’t happen any time soon.

I am staying at a guest house located on what is called “Nairobi’s safest street.” It is not the fact that I am surrounded by government buildings, the prison headquarters, or there is a large convent and catholic school that make it safe. It is the heavily fortified and well-guarded Israeli embassy a few hundred metres away. There are large barricades called a “friendly checkpoint” that prevent drive-bys, manned by several armed men to insure it remains the “safest street.”

Some interesting signs I have seen around town:
Inside of a bus
“No hawking or preaching”

A billboard near the hospital entrance advertising for a “safe” driving school
“Hospital ceilings are boring”